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Self Care and Isolation

Let’s face it, 2020 has been a rough year for everyone. For me, the roughness began earlier in the year when my father ended up in the ER in late January. Being an only child, I carried most of the responsibility to step up and be there for my dad throughout his recovery. He’s currently home and making progress.

Around the same time, Covid-19 dropped in on everyone, and daily life as I knew it came to a halt. Concerts were cancelled, I started working from home and was laid of from my job I really liked at a local record store. To top it off, an auto-immune flare up has me currently immobile, as I sit here writing this with my swollen knees elevated on ice.

In many ways, I can’t wait for things to be back to normal again. But, in some ways, I’m relishing in this much needed time at home to rest and re-evaluate. I’m starting my internal self-care practice again, starting today with a gestalt session between myself and the inflammation that’s flaring up in my body. Asking why I’m attacking myself and seeing the parallels in the ways I attack myself both internally and externally has been a crucial first step in this self-love journey.

I live alone and actually really love my apartment and location. I have a cat who is equal parts sweet and socially distant herself. I’m not in the position where I have to worry about money just yet, but I know I’m headed for a change in career. Building something for myself has always been the ultimate goal, and I thought I’d be much farther along in my 30s.

When I started developing these products for Stardust & Co.ven, the inspiration seemed to come out of nowhere, but I was doing it. Everything you see here I’ve done 100% myself, from making the products to the design and website. I love having this vision and seeing it come to fruition, but have felt stuck in the financial aspect. How do I know how much to invest in this? And how do I balance this with the many interests I already have including music, DJing and hosting gatherings?

During this time of being home-bound, I’ve realized I have two fears: that everything will be the same when this is all over, and that everything won’t be the same just as well. And while it’s impossible to determine what “normal” will be once this is all over, it’s a good time to come to terms with what I want my new normal to look like. Most of my goals are on the “goal line” of life, but also should serve to feed my soul equally. Some of the things I want to accomplish look like this:

Being kinder to myself. In my eyes, my kitty can do no wrong. She’s always my sweet pea, even when she’s irritated and bites and scratches. Even though she has a low hanging pooch in her belly. I strive to see myself like I do her, and stop being so critical of whatever mistakes I seem to be making.

Prioritizing self-care on the inside too. Sure, I take plenty of baths, light candles, pull tarot cards and do the occasional pampering. But a lot of what I studied for my MA in Spiritual Psychology has taken a backseat. I need to “do the work,” a phrase that’s confounded me as of late, but includes journaling, meditating, and talking to the emotions inside that hurt.

Commit to healing. This includes making healthier choices on the outside, like fueling myself with better food and with exercise too when I’m able. This is the body I’ve been given, and it’s time to stop treating it like a dumpster and taking better care of this landfill that is currently my body.

Visualize the future. It’s a great time to bust out those vision boards and update them with a future I’m excited to step into. Whether its getting crafty and pulling images from magazines or making lists and ideal scenes, getting something on paper can be a good start to seeing the life you’d like to live.

Commit to growth. I can’t tell you how many online courses I’ve signed up for and haven’t completed. Carving out just an hour a day for learning and growth is definitely a goal of mine during this time, whether it’s a Lynda.com course or something more spiritual. This can also tie into making a morning routine that makes me excited to wake up, such as starting with a cup or delicious coffee and journaling, stretching and meditating now that I don’t have to rush out the door in the morning.

Improve my surroundings. I want my home to feel cozy, inspiring and calm during this time. Keeping things tidy and clean, filling the apartment with incense and other scents I enjoy, having plenty of sparkling water and bubble bath on deck are key to keeping my surroundings zen.

Using rituals to improve my mood. Having mood-lifting scents, sprays and more around helps keep me in a better mood when I need it. I use my own calm and uplift essential oil roll on and rose quartz face sprays regularly. Also having music in the background, or even a comforting TV show can help to ease any anxieties that may come forward throughout the day. After all, we’re not just “working from home,” but trying to focus while going through this pandemic, which is scary and major.

It’s hard to say when things will “go back to normal,” but I for one am looking forward to challenging what normal is for me. Most of my days so far have not been all that productive. In fact, there have been days I could not get out of bed. This is where being gentle and compassionate with myself truly comes in to play, because it really is a disservice to beat myself up when I’m going through a rough time.

How are you handling all of this? What are some of your self care and other goals during this time of isolation? If you’re finding yourself spending most of your time alone, like me, how are you coping and keeping yourself connected to loved ones? Are you feeling inspired or just trying to get by? And what are some of the moves you want to make for yourself this year? We’re all in this together. Feel free to share below. Follow my blog with Bloglovin

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Be Your Own Valentine

Maybe you’re single and ready to mingle, in a relationship, or hiding all together; either way, you’ve probably been disappointed by Valentine’s Day at some point in your life. But rather than hate on this day of love, you can do something kind of radical — be your own Valentine. And before you start violently vomiting, keep reading…

So, what does it even mean to be your own valentine? To me, it’s about connecting to your own love for yourself. We’re constantly looking outward for love and acceptance. And while it may feel great to have some romance going on in your life, it can also be a huge distraction, especially if things aren’t always going as planned. This is when looking inward for love is key, after all, love is an inside job and everything else can be considered outside validation.

These past few weeks have really got me thinking about love and relationships, particularly about creating attachments to certain people. I recently heard that there isn’t really a “right” or “just enough” level of attachment; only you can truly know what feels healthy for you. But dependency, and placing your love and happiness as the responsibility of someone else isn’t good either — so what’s a “healthy” level of attachment?

When my thoughts are consumed by finding love outwardly, it’s like a gut-wrenching euphoria. There are high highs, like spending the day/night with someone you really like and low lows, like driving yourself crazy thinking about why they’re not trying to contact you. And there are those people that we long to be with and have the potential to devastate you entirely, and they can keep you from pursuing new, healthy relationships. And when pursuing a new relationship, it almost feels like a game; don’t be too available, needy, wait until he texts, etc. even though you’ve spent most the day thinking about them. Utterly. Fucking. Distracting.

We could just accept this for what it is — finding a romantic partner who wants more than just to see you naked is fucking hard. Or, we could look inward and ask ourselves, “what is it I’m trying to fulfill inside myself right now?” Are you giving yourself the love that you deserve? If someone were to ask, “do you love yourself?” what are your initial thoughts? Because even if you hesitate for a moment, there’s work to be done.

What is the work, you ask? It starts with looking in the mirror — literally, and telling yourself how much you love you. It’s writing a list of what you love about yourself. It’s, instead of obsessing over what someone else is doing, asking yourself what you can focus on instead that’ll help you reach your own personal goals. It’s noticing when your mind wanders, when you’re looking at your phone a little too much, and asking yourself why you’re looking for a distraction and what you’re possibly telling yourself that isn’t actually true.

So this year, I ask that you ditch the expectations that come with the traditional Valentine’s Day experience. Instead of waiting for someone to love and validate you and make plans for you, you can be your own Valentine. Some of my favorite Valentine’s Days were spent being single, and many of my most disappointing Valentine’s Days actually happened when I was in a relationship and my boyfriend didn’t meet my expectations. So I invite you to join me in practicing self-love this Valentine’s Day (and what the hell, every day) and buy yourself the flowers, hang out with like-minded friends, make yourself dinner, put on something nice and grab coffee, take a bath, etc. and just do YOU — your Valentine’s Day experience will be 100% better.

xo,

Ilana

 

 

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In Self-Love

The Holidays can be a tricky time to navigate. There are no shortage of feelings from soft and fuzzy, hot and cold, love and doubts. As the year comes to a close, we often reflect on where we were a year ago and see if we’re happy with our progress. We start to mull around resolution ideas like picking up that gym membership again, or maybe just hitting the “reset” button all together with some type of cleanse.

It’s been an interesting month for me. It’s been my most successful financially this year, with my vending opportunities really helping me see how Stardust & Co.(ven)* can actually make a significant contribution to my income. I also haven’t been home for most of the month, which can be exciting and unsettling at the same time. (I miss my bathtub!)

This displacement can often cause me to retreat, both physically and emotionally. I find myself daydreaming often, making it difficult for me to really focus. Normally, the holidays bring me so much warmth and joy – the first peppermint lattes, holiday blend coffee, the smell of douglas fir, decorating the tree, watching Charlie Brown Christmas and listening to Vince Guarauldi on repeat. But this time, December just feels like another month to me, until I catch a whiff of pine outside Trader Joe’s, and for a moment am back in that joy.

What I think may be happening is my heart is just aching. I’m missing close friends and feeling out of sync with them – they’re somewhere out there making new friends and new jokes, and I’m feeling old and tired and forgotten. And there’s someone I can’t seem to stop thinking about who’s been in my heart and mind for a while and it feels as though those feelings have just amplified. I’m in this constant state of elation and doubt – will it ever happen? Will I ever experience that deep, all-consuming relationship with someone?

And while this is where my head and heart are currently, I know that these thoughts and feelings are mere distractions from seeing myself as “the one” and really choosing to value my self worth. I heard recently someone’s affirmation, “I am all that I need,” and have decided to make it my own.

So while I recognize that what’s really happening is I’m, at the moment, failing to see my own worth and seeking outside validation, I know that it’s all part of the experience of learning to love myself.

And what does learning to love myself look like? It’s looking in the mirror and liking what I see. It’s knowing and feeling attractive, rather than waiting and hoping to be noticed. It’s making things okay when I’m being hard on myself. It’s forgiving myself and letting go.

So for this holiday and new year, my intention is to focus inward instead of outward. To free myself of doubts and insecurities, to be my strongest most confident self. If you’re reading this, I encourage you in joining me in this resolution: to be in self-love.

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Locals Only – Patchwork Show, Long Beach

Stardust & Co.(ven)* at Patchwork Long Beach

This past weekend I had the pleasure of joining 100+ makers at the Patchwork Modern Makers Festival in Long Beach. The gloomy weather on Sunday, November 12 made for a delightful afternoon of strolling and shopping by the marina in Belmont Shore. Makers selling items from paper goods, clothing, jewelry, and body products lined up in rows to greet the crowd. Locals, families, and many four-legged friends joined in the festivities. Soft music played and food trucks lined up in the parking lot with beckoning scents.

I found myself among vendors who had been participating in the show for at least the past year, and who were no strangers to the makers festivals. We chatted with each other about future events and kept one another apprised of our sales.

Those who stopped by my table gushed about the heavenly scent that drew them in, and I got a chance to share more about my all-natural product line. By the end of the day, I had doubled the cost to attend the fair, and this was my most successful vending experience to date!

Although it was a long day, I’m glad I went because it gave me a chance to connect with other vendors, consigners, and customers. I hope to be back in the Spring show!

xo,

Ilana

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Spiritualized and Realized: My Weekend at Desert Daze Music Festival

Stardust And Stoned at Desert Daze

The weekend of October 12-15, Stardust & Stoned headed to the desert for the annual Desert Daze music festival at the Institute of Mentalphysics in Joshua Tree. And as the Eagles of Death Metal pointed out on Sunday, not many of us knew what “Mentalphysics” was, but we were sure ready to experience it.

As vendors working together with the help of our good friend Heidi, Rachel of Stoned by Operahippy and I unloaded our merchandise with an open mind and heart — this weekend would be a huge experiment as first time vendors, and we were just happy to be along for the ride.

I was pulling double duty this year as a vendor and press, covering the festival for mxdwn.com and boy was I in for a wakeup call. I didn’t spend much time at the vending tent, as from 2pm on I was back and forth catching all the bands. As you can imagine, by the time Sunday had rolled around I was exhausted. Not only was I assisting with setting up the vending booth each morning, I was writing my daily recaps for mxdwn and then heading out in the heat again to catch another full day of bands.

And while there were definitely some spiritual, high vibe experiences catching the music with bands like Holy Wave, L.A. Witch, Iggy Pop, Twin Peaks, Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions, Spiritualized and more, by the time the final day rolled around, the heat during the day and freezing night temps were making me feel like I was constantly on the verge of getting sick. I was so worn out from the weekend, by the time I caught my final set of the festival, a dreamy, romantic performance from Cigarettes After Sex, the combination of the lyrics, music, couples holding each other, and just the fact that it was over had me in tears.

I’m proud of myself and my team of amazing women for all we accomplished in the weekend, but it was also a huge wakeup call for me. I spread myself way too thin, and vowed to not do that again, and to also look at the other areas in my life in which I spread myself too thin on a regular basis.

When I got home, I finished up my last article, had some really great food and got into the bath, thanking my tired legs and feet for all they did for me this weekend.

What are some ways you are spreading yourself too thin? Do you maybe say yes to things you know you’ll regret later, or that may be too much? Do you try to please everyone?

This week, I challenge you to make sure the person you’re pleasing if yourself. Look into the future scenario of all the tasks you want to accept; how will it play out? If it seems like too much, it probably is.

Stardust And Stoned at Desert Daze

Stardust And Stoned at Desert Daze

Cigarettes After Sex at Desert Daze

You can check out my daily recaps of Desert Daze 2017 for mxdwn here:

Desert Daze 2017 Festival Day One Review Featuring Courtney Barnett, Kurt Vile, Ariel Pink and More

Desert Daze 2017 Festival Day Two Review Featuring Iggy Pop, Sleep, John Cale and More

Desert Daze 2017 Festival Day Three Featuring Spiritualized, Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions, Cigarettes After Sex and More

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Living in the Self-Care Moment

Self Love Rose

What comes to mind when you think of “Self-Care?” Do images of yogis, spa days, meditating and face masks come to mind? Or maybe it’s something you rolled your eyes at in the past but are starting to wonder why your self-love-practicing friends are so much happier than you… or maybe you’re still rolling your eyes. It’s okay.

Lately, I have struggled to feel like I’m really “on my self-care game.” I see how all my friends are taking care of themselves by practicing yoga, reading spiritual growth books, attending full moon circles, and just taking the night off. I’ve wondered how they have the time and money for all this… I mean, those weekly self-care massages add up!

But instead of focusing on what others are doing, what I’m NOT doing and what self-care should look like, I chose to re-define or customize what self-care means to me. And THAT way, I’m essentially living in self-care moments throughout the day.

For example, this past week I was in Santa Monica cat sitting. The change of scenery can feel very refreshing; i’d walk to Bristol Farms every day and get ahi poke from the poke bar and a special fizzy drink. I’d wear one of my favorite dresses when I had no where to be and treat myself to some live music — Beach House and Fleet Foxes at the Hollywood Bowl were just incredible. And mentally, I’d bring my attention to my thoughts. What was present and why? How was I choosing to focus my thoughts and was it helpful?

Despite being on my own for the majority of the time while I was there, I didn’t really feel lonely. I channeled my focus forward and thought about everything that was going right in my life. My music journalism is getting better and going further, opportunities for work seem to be coming up and I feel supported by the universe, and in just a couple weeks I’m going to be a vendor at Desert Daze!

And that’s not to say that I don’t have my doubts. I can work myself into a tailspin over money, arguments and negative thoughts. Ups and downs are part of life — it’s being conscious of what’s actually going on in your head that matters.

So, the next time you find yourself comparing yourself to others, beating yourself up about not making enough time for self-care, know that it’s different for everyone, and you just have to find and follow what it is that makes you feel your best. Are your thoughts propelling you to move forward? Or are they holding you back? What’s the story you’re telling yourself and what’s the truth?

What’s the future you want to create for yourself, and how will you get there? Do what you gotta do to make it happen because when you make time to stop a check in with yourself, take that walk in the middle of your busy day, or dress up just for yourself you get into the magick zone, and that shit is powerful.

 

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Falling off the Self-Care Wagon

Falling off the self care wagon

Sometimes I drink, smoke, eat unhealthily, and move infrequently. I don’t change out of my pj’s for the day, don’t brush my teeth in the morning, and don’t eat until 3pm, running on just my bulletproof coffee from the morning. I dive straight into work, make myself anxious, drive when I shouldn’t, and make mistakes. I lose clients, I tell myself it’s all my fault, and I have no fucking clue what I’m doing. I can’t seem to tell that annoying voice inside of my head to shut the fuck up!

You’re probably familiar with the voice – the one that tells you you’re no good, you’ve fucked up again, you’re a failure, and a total loser. You’ll never have the job, house, or relationship you want. You’ll never have enough money, and you might as well settle for what you deserve, which is nothing. Life is unfair, hard, and full of challenges.

And while I have had many days like these, where I feel little a heaping pile of shit. I have just as many incredible days that remind me of my purpose. Those little things can be as small as listening to a new song from my favorite band, Grizzly Bear, or getting my ass out of bed and walking straight to the beach from my apartment, coffee and self-improvement audiobook in hand (currently listening to “You’re a Badass” by Jen Sincero), or shopping at my favorite store, Trader Joe’s. And then, I start to realize, oh wait this isn’t bad. I’m okay, I’m doing my best, I did something for “me” today, even if all I did was turn on my himalayan salt lamp or essential oil diffuser.

Suddenly, I catch a glimpse of compassion for the girl who drank too much last night and made a fool of herself, or the girl who didn’t do shit yesterday. I’m doing my best, and the trajectory is still going upward.

When I think of where I was just 5 years ago, I was stuck in a full-time job, killing time every day. I felt my soul being crushed, and on top of that I fell ill with Lyme disease. I was so depressed each day, and getting out of bed was a daily struggle. I drank almost every night to “wind down” and couldn’t connect in my relationships.

Am I saying life is perfect now? Fuck no. But I’m making better choices each day, even on days I “fuck up.” Growth is a choice we make each day to step out and tune in. It’s not for the weak because it means putting yourself out there to face possible rejection. But the alternative is just small and soul crushing. When you’re comfortable, you’re not growing.

So if you struggle like me and fall off the wagon, the best thing you can do is just forgive yourself, and have so much compassion for the real you, because she kind of rocks.

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This Is Why I Do It – My Self-Care Journey

Self love

Stardust & Co.(ven)* formed in February 2017 with the purpose of bringing more self-love and self-care to everyone’s homes. All of our products are completely natural and handmade, using fine ingredients like pure essential oils, dead sea and pink himalayan salts and real flowers. If you’re looking for more self-love and just to connect with your highest self, this coven is for you! You are not alone, and you are worth it!

My experience with bath products and my self-love journey is very personal and ever-changing. I started taking baths when I was diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2015. After almost a year of visiting doctor after doctor to find out why my knees were mysteriously swollen to the point I couldn’t walk, and why I was experiencing chronic pain and fatigue, I finally visited a naturopath where I received my diagnosis. In addition to the antibiotics I was taking, my doctor recommended bathing with epsom salts. I started taking baths regularly, finding relief and solace in my tub. When my symptoms lessened, I continued the tradition of soaking and got more into aromatherapy.

Then, in October 2016, I had multiple panic attacks that landed me in the ER. I was loosing my job, finishing my M.A. program, and my blood pressure was through the roof. After a series of cardiology appointments, in which I was told nothing was physically wrong with me, I was diagnosed with pre-hypertension and anxiety. Knowing I needed to step up my self-care game even more, I looked into natural remedies and ways to take better care of myself.

Bath time is an extremely important ritual for me. I blend oils and salts depending on what I want to experience with each soak. It’s a time to just stop and check in with myself, and I can literally feel my heart slowing when the temperature and scent are just perfect.

Some additional self-care practices I enjoy include lighting magic candles, burning palo santo, meditation and yoga, walking to my favorite coffee shop, buying myself flowers on occasion, sleeping in, and aromatherapy. My essential oil roll-on blends are so calming and heavenly.

I hope this inspires you to support my shop and yourself as you step up your self-care game! There’s never too much time you can make for yourself. Treat yourself, and tell the universe that you’re worth it.

LOVE,

Ilana T.
Founder & Bathmaker